I haven't been here in a while and thought that I would drop in! Life is great and I am still learning and growing. I have a long way to go, but I am ready and think that I am starting to get a hold of this thing called life. I don't understand it all, but I can see that the more I learn and apply the more I am able to find other things that I need to ponder and then make course corrections on.
The semester is drawing to and end and although I am anxious for the end, I am also sad as I have grown and learned so much this semester! I never would have thought that I would have come this far at the beginning of me posting. I can't wait to see what challenges come my way and how I overcome them for the next 7 weeks without counseling and with the change that will occur! I am hoping to keep gaining ground and not lose it the way that I did a few short months ago, although I must admit that that slip has brought more growth than I have seen in many years!! Heres to growth!!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Reflections of the woman within!
So, life sure is interesting and full of opportunities to learn! I have been doing that a lot lately and can't believe all that I have learned and all that I still must learn! This past week I have been reflecting on who I am thanks to my counselor and instead of stifling the thoughts of womanhood and how that applies to me I have let them come and through this process have come to learn some really amazing things that I didn't really ever equate with myself. It is interesting what the Lord teaches those that are seeking for answers through his Spirit. I have come to realize that I am more a woman that I thought I was!
One of the great things that I have opened myself to is that I am caring and gentle and that a woman has these abilities that she might be better able to care for her children and those around her. I don't like to admit that I am a huge teddy bear and that my greatest joy in life is making others happy no matter the cost to myself, but alas I am one of those bleeding hearts that has been stepped on one to many times and put my heart in a steel encasement that I might not get hurt. As unattractive as this might be, I have been protected from the hurt of others for the most part, but now I need to open back up and let others all the way into this heart of mine that I might fulfill the mission that the Lord has for me here on Earth! This is indeed scary for me as I know that it means that pain is going to come my way and as of right now my tools for handling that are dull and not prepared in such a manner that I can deal with that. I am working on sharpening those tools and think that once they are sharp enough I might actually be able to make a difference in the lives of those around me as well as in my own life.
As I am slowly making these changes I have noticed that many of the reasons that the people around me seem to say what they say, is because they see glimpses of the real me and want to see her more than I let her show. I am not sure when I will be able to unleash her all of the way, but as the Lord shows me who he wants me to become I will be able to to unleash her more and more. I think that the more I learn how to deal with her and what she has to offer the more I will be able to not run away in fear and not think that I am just going to be hurt all of the time. This wall between my real heart and the one that I give to others is becoming softer each day, but the big challenge lies with in me and not giving into the temptation of hiding that from others for fear of it getting smashed into a million pieces. I guess I got tired of having to piece it back together and now I am seeing that it is in the piecing it back together that the Lord makes ones heart new. I don't know how it is that he does this, but I can see that my heart is not new and thus more prone to give in to the temptations of the world, which makes it harder for me to be the type of disciple that I desire to be. This journey that I am on makes for a lot of change and a lot of settled things to be made unsettled and then resettled in the way that the Lord wants and needs to to be within me, that I might be the person the he needs and wants me to be. Well, I think that I need more time to ponder and thus I will. Have a great day all!
One of the great things that I have opened myself to is that I am caring and gentle and that a woman has these abilities that she might be better able to care for her children and those around her. I don't like to admit that I am a huge teddy bear and that my greatest joy in life is making others happy no matter the cost to myself, but alas I am one of those bleeding hearts that has been stepped on one to many times and put my heart in a steel encasement that I might not get hurt. As unattractive as this might be, I have been protected from the hurt of others for the most part, but now I need to open back up and let others all the way into this heart of mine that I might fulfill the mission that the Lord has for me here on Earth! This is indeed scary for me as I know that it means that pain is going to come my way and as of right now my tools for handling that are dull and not prepared in such a manner that I can deal with that. I am working on sharpening those tools and think that once they are sharp enough I might actually be able to make a difference in the lives of those around me as well as in my own life.
As I am slowly making these changes I have noticed that many of the reasons that the people around me seem to say what they say, is because they see glimpses of the real me and want to see her more than I let her show. I am not sure when I will be able to unleash her all of the way, but as the Lord shows me who he wants me to become I will be able to to unleash her more and more. I think that the more I learn how to deal with her and what she has to offer the more I will be able to not run away in fear and not think that I am just going to be hurt all of the time. This wall between my real heart and the one that I give to others is becoming softer each day, but the big challenge lies with in me and not giving into the temptation of hiding that from others for fear of it getting smashed into a million pieces. I guess I got tired of having to piece it back together and now I am seeing that it is in the piecing it back together that the Lord makes ones heart new. I don't know how it is that he does this, but I can see that my heart is not new and thus more prone to give in to the temptations of the world, which makes it harder for me to be the type of disciple that I desire to be. This journey that I am on makes for a lot of change and a lot of settled things to be made unsettled and then resettled in the way that the Lord wants and needs to to be within me, that I might be the person the he needs and wants me to be. Well, I think that I need more time to ponder and thus I will. Have a great day all!
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