Today was really good!! Just had class and what not, but was able to learn and grow which is always a plus!! Now back to the story!!
I am going to go back and fill in some spots that need to be filled in!! Back to when the new sister came into the picture!! They started the lessons over again just to make sure that I got what they were teaching and what not! I was a stubborn child and didn't want to go to church, due to obligations with the catholic church that I sung with. They taught me pretty much every week for a month and a half (more like two months). And now I must tell you the joys of alternate locations!! As I have said before not allowed in my house, so we went to the park or other places, so, that I could be taught and that is how I ended up in the back of their car for a lesson. It was a great lesson on the Plan of Salvation ( I will share more about that later) and the Word of Wisdom, which is a law of health that asks/tells us not to smoke, drink, or do things that are harmful to our bodies. This is the lesson that finally got me to quit smoking!! They didn't even know that I was smoking and didn't have to ask me to stop!! I just did as my new year's resolution and it was easy as one tow three, I only tried once more to see if I had kicked it and the answer was yes it made me almost throw up!! My next big step was attending church, this was met when one of the sisters called me and informed me that I was singing in the Christmas program and my ride would be there at 730am to pick me up, and then said we love you see ya tomorrow, good night, and hung up! Needless to say I went to church the next day and it literally changed my life! I went in well, a Scotland golf shirt that was dark green with a red checkered picture of Scotland on the left breast and black pants that I had to roll three times and pin so they would fit... I was a mess that was for sure!! The members welcomed me and put me to work singing second soprano, like way hard to sing when you really don't know what you are doing and have never even seen any of the music before, let alone heard what it sounds like!! I managed to learn it in 45 minutes and ran into the Air Force recruiter that I worked with as I was thinking of joining the military at that time and had been working with him for about three years. It was a welcome surprise as I don't do well in settings where I don't know anyone and there is a lot of people (both requirements for my anxiety were met that is for sure!!!). That week I met with the sisters at a member house on Monday and had a family night with others that were around my age. We ate dinner and then the sister missionaries and an older couple that were missionaries also team taught me. It was a great lesson I am sure I really don't remember what it was about, because the whole time I knew that they were going to ask me to enter the waters of baptism. THEY DID and I being me said "yeah, sure, why not?" to which they asked again I said yes and we set the date for Thursday January 4, 2004. The best day of my life to that point! I will stop here as it is late and I want to keep you coming back for more.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
A Day of Great Blessings!!
So, today/evening I did something that I don't normally do! I signed up to be part of a social organization on campus at Brigham Young University-Idaho where I am attending school. The organization is called SAA (Student Alumni Association) and I am going to help with Public Relations and networking. After I signed up and was on my way home with my roommates and friends, I suggested that we put together some sort of fundraiser for the devastated South where I labored for 17 months in the great state of Alabama, so that we could help them to recover and know that they are loved. I had no idea that this idea would spawn events that we hope will bring much needed relief to those victims of such destruction!! I am excited to see what happens and we are going to try to networks this into two states and make sure that there are tons of supplies and money and whatever else we can gather to send those wonderful people and help them in their greatest hour of need. This makes me love life all the more!! Now back to the conversion story!!
So I left off in November around mid-terms and my meeting up with the sister missionaries again. This time it was two different sisters (as I don't have permission to use their names I will leave them as the sisters). They had to work hard to get a hold of me as I was busy with school, sining in the local Catholic Church choir, and volunteering at the same Catholic Church which was like less than a mile a way from my house where I helped in the kitchen on Bingo night and also with whatever else they needed help with. I love to serve people and this kept me busy. The sisters decided that they needed to meet me, so they knocked every door on my street which is a half mile long and then they finally were able to meet up with me. I was once again rescheduled to meet with them and we met I think that Saturday, where they start teaching me once again. Since they weren't allowed in my home we walked up to the park about a block away in the cold with snow flurries and there I was taught about Joseph Smith and the great vision that he had. (He saw God the Father and Jesus Christ in a grove of trees in Palmyra, New York! I know that this is true) They set a return appointment and we began to become friends. One of the sisters was moved into another area and a new sister came with the other sister a few weeks later. These are the two sisters that were patient enough to work with me and commit me to be baptized just a few short months later! They were also bold enough to make it so that I finally made it to church. I was a hard one that didn't always do what they asked me to do and was not really that into the lessons at first. They taught me a lesson in the back of their car and that is when things really started to change!! I made big changes, such as no more smoking and pretty much no more cussing (that one was harder than smoking) and then started to pay a bit more attention to what it was that they were teaching me. As I mentioned before I sang in a church choir and this is what held me back from making it to church with the missionaries, but they finally got me to go by setting up a ride for me to get there and not allowing me to cancel as I was going to sing in the choir!! I made it and with in two weeks was asked to be baptized, read the Book of Mormon and received a sure witness that I was doing what the Lord desired me to do. I am going to stop now and share more about this experience tomorrow and some other things that went down that changed my heart and opened my eyes to what the gospel has to offer!!
So I left off in November around mid-terms and my meeting up with the sister missionaries again. This time it was two different sisters (as I don't have permission to use their names I will leave them as the sisters). They had to work hard to get a hold of me as I was busy with school, sining in the local Catholic Church choir, and volunteering at the same Catholic Church which was like less than a mile a way from my house where I helped in the kitchen on Bingo night and also with whatever else they needed help with. I love to serve people and this kept me busy. The sisters decided that they needed to meet me, so they knocked every door on my street which is a half mile long and then they finally were able to meet up with me. I was once again rescheduled to meet with them and we met I think that Saturday, where they start teaching me once again. Since they weren't allowed in my home we walked up to the park about a block away in the cold with snow flurries and there I was taught about Joseph Smith and the great vision that he had. (He saw God the Father and Jesus Christ in a grove of trees in Palmyra, New York! I know that this is true) They set a return appointment and we began to become friends. One of the sisters was moved into another area and a new sister came with the other sister a few weeks later. These are the two sisters that were patient enough to work with me and commit me to be baptized just a few short months later! They were also bold enough to make it so that I finally made it to church. I was a hard one that didn't always do what they asked me to do and was not really that into the lessons at first. They taught me a lesson in the back of their car and that is when things really started to change!! I made big changes, such as no more smoking and pretty much no more cussing (that one was harder than smoking) and then started to pay a bit more attention to what it was that they were teaching me. As I mentioned before I sang in a church choir and this is what held me back from making it to church with the missionaries, but they finally got me to go by setting up a ride for me to get there and not allowing me to cancel as I was going to sing in the choir!! I made it and with in two weeks was asked to be baptized, read the Book of Mormon and received a sure witness that I was doing what the Lord desired me to do. I am going to stop now and share more about this experience tomorrow and some other things that went down that changed my heart and opened my eyes to what the gospel has to offer!!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
My conversion!
Before I jump into my conversion into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I have to share little about my day! So, today started as any normal day normally does, me fighting the urge to stay in bed until like 15 minutes before I have to leave. I went to my classes came home unwound for a bit and then got some homework done. Then, I heat news that no missionary ever wants to hear! That a natural disaster (tornado in my case) has ripped through the areas that you labored in and learned to love the people there so much. I am still reeling from the pictures that I have seen that prove that they are going to need to do lot of rebuilding and this brings me to my point. I want to go back and help sooo bad! I can't though, for one I don't have the funds and for two school is kind of in the way. Maybe over break I will be able to go for a week and help them with rebuilding some houses or something. I just want to help!! Okay enough about that, please pray for them!!
So, onto the conversion that still is happening today! I was introduced to the gospel in a most peculiar way (at least it was to me at the time) and at the most perfect time. I was found through the efforts of two young ladies that the Church calls sister missionaries knocking on the door at the house where I happened to be house sitting at. They introduced themselves to me in this manner: "Hi, we are missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, do you believe in God?" When I heard this I was kind of taken aback, but as I am one to enjoy learning about new things that I have never heard about before I answered yes and allowed them to share a brief message. They had to leave for another appointment, but set up another meeting with me for like a week later. I didn't read what they gave me, but I was pretty sure that I was going to learn something that I had never heard before. The week passed without much difference for me, just getting up and going to class at the community college and doing homework and what not. They finally got back with me and I let them in, my mother was asleep at the time, but that was okay they were there for me any ways. I listened to them and was astounded by what I heard, it really was like nothing that I had heard before. I watched the olympics of 2002 without picking up any of the "mormon" jokes that they put out there or anything else that they said about the Church. As they were teaching me about the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ my father came in and well needless to say he wasn't in his right mind and started screaming that his daughter was getting taught my the mormons and then proceeded to go outside and do the same thing, mind you it is like 8pm so the neighbors almost called the cops. Before my dad left the house to voice himself outside, he told me that they don't believe in Christ and that is when I jumped in with the soft covered Book of Mormon that the missionaries had just given me and by highlighting with my fingers the name of Jesus Christ proceeded to defend the Church. Mind you I had no idea at this time that that was what I was doing. I was just not one to allow another to bash something that they knew nothing about. I was not able to meet with those sister again as they we no longer welcome in my home and they had some emergencies come up that took them far away. I would not meet up with missionaries again until November when it was time to take mid terms. I think that this is sufficient for one night. I will continue tomorrow with more of this great journey that I am on!! Have a Great Night and God Bless!!
So, onto the conversion that still is happening today! I was introduced to the gospel in a most peculiar way (at least it was to me at the time) and at the most perfect time. I was found through the efforts of two young ladies that the Church calls sister missionaries knocking on the door at the house where I happened to be house sitting at. They introduced themselves to me in this manner: "Hi, we are missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, do you believe in God?" When I heard this I was kind of taken aback, but as I am one to enjoy learning about new things that I have never heard about before I answered yes and allowed them to share a brief message. They had to leave for another appointment, but set up another meeting with me for like a week later. I didn't read what they gave me, but I was pretty sure that I was going to learn something that I had never heard before. The week passed without much difference for me, just getting up and going to class at the community college and doing homework and what not. They finally got back with me and I let them in, my mother was asleep at the time, but that was okay they were there for me any ways. I listened to them and was astounded by what I heard, it really was like nothing that I had heard before. I watched the olympics of 2002 without picking up any of the "mormon" jokes that they put out there or anything else that they said about the Church. As they were teaching me about the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ my father came in and well needless to say he wasn't in his right mind and started screaming that his daughter was getting taught my the mormons and then proceeded to go outside and do the same thing, mind you it is like 8pm so the neighbors almost called the cops. Before my dad left the house to voice himself outside, he told me that they don't believe in Christ and that is when I jumped in with the soft covered Book of Mormon that the missionaries had just given me and by highlighting with my fingers the name of Jesus Christ proceeded to defend the Church. Mind you I had no idea at this time that that was what I was doing. I was just not one to allow another to bash something that they knew nothing about. I was not able to meet with those sister again as they we no longer welcome in my home and they had some emergencies come up that took them far away. I would not meet up with missionaries again until November when it was time to take mid terms. I think that this is sufficient for one night. I will continue tomorrow with more of this great journey that I am on!! Have a Great Night and God Bless!!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
That Spirit Speaks and I listen!
Today I had one of those days when the Lord was being rather direct and persistent! He wanted me to do something and I kept putting it off, so he would get louder and louder, until I finally listened and did what he asked me to do. I did it and then I could finally think. Thinking is good when you are in college and have homework that needs done. I felt great after finally listening and although not done with my homework am grateful that the Lord trusts me enough to send me promptings to test me to see if I am really willing to trust him fully. I have a long way to go to be as President Monson ( The President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) who goes right away as soon as the Spirit whispers!! I can only hope that I can get to this point. I was not right away obedient, but I did obey it just took the Spirit pretty much screaming at me to get me to move. One day and one prompting at a time and then I will be able to go as soon as prompted!
I am learning that I can have a great positive influence on the lives of those around me and that is good. For a long time I thought that I was doing no more than brining them down with me and leading them from the light. Knowing that I am helping others and that the Lord is using me causes me to be filled with a happiness that I have yet to know in the 7 years that I have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and now I understand what I was taught and what I taught in Alabama while serving the Lord for 18 months. With this knowledge I am able to help those that I hold most dear and that I love even if I don't really know them or especially if I do know them. This is a great blessing and I am so humbled that I am finally getting it!
I think that the next few blogs will be my conversion story to the restored gospel, the one that is still happening and will be that way for the rest of my life!!
I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and I know that it can bring a happiness and peace that can be found nowhere else! In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
I am learning that I can have a great positive influence on the lives of those around me and that is good. For a long time I thought that I was doing no more than brining them down with me and leading them from the light. Knowing that I am helping others and that the Lord is using me causes me to be filled with a happiness that I have yet to know in the 7 years that I have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and now I understand what I was taught and what I taught in Alabama while serving the Lord for 18 months. With this knowledge I am able to help those that I hold most dear and that I love even if I don't really know them or especially if I do know them. This is a great blessing and I am so humbled that I am finally getting it!
I think that the next few blogs will be my conversion story to the restored gospel, the one that is still happening and will be that way for the rest of my life!!
I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and I know that it can bring a happiness and peace that can be found nowhere else! In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Another day of Testimony!
Today has been another great day of building testimony. I am still not all the way where I need to be, but I am so much closer than I have ever been. I realized while chatting to a friend via Facebook that this is the happiest that I have ever been! I can't ever remember smiling, laughing, and feeling so at peace. I am sure that this is the calm before the next storm comes that I must go through, but I also know that with each passing storm will come more peace and greater ability to keep the peace within me. This is what I need, so as to be where I need to be when I need to be there (thank you Sister Clark!). I know that I still have many battles and demons that I must face, but with the help of the Savior and the friends that I have been given I truly have no need to fear. Where faith is fear can not exist! The more that I rely on my faith, the more I can conquer the fear that has held me bound for far to long. I want to remain free from the weight of sin and of the past and the only way that I can do this is to continue taking it one step at a time and by putting one foot in front of the other.
There is so much that we all should be thankful and grateful for and I really am thankful for the small and simple things that I have been given such as sight (be it not 20/20), smell to smell the great things that surround me, my hearing that I might hear the music that is all around me at every corner, my sense of touch as I am able to feel all that I come in contact with. I don't know how I would handle not having these blessings as part of my life. I am sure that the reason that I am able to use all of my senses is because Heavenly Father knew that I needed to have them all that I might open my spirit to Him through these blessings! I am sure grateful that he knows me so very well, so perfectly! I can't wait to see Him again and give him a hug and tell him that I love him. This is one of the great motivating forces in me making all the changes that I am making. I don't want to be left behind left wondering what happened to the time that I was going to use to make these changes.
I am far from perfect and indeed have made many mistakes that have caused much harm to those that are around me and to their family and friends. I am greatly saddened by these mistakes, but although I might not be able to fix the damage that I have done I have learned and hope that I can apply that learning to future situations, so as to not have these issues all of the time. The more I look at the things that I need to fix the more I realize that I need not be so prideful and afraid to ask for help. I am not sure how long I will take to get to a point to always ask when I am prompted! Learning these skills is what will bring me more happiness that that which I have now!
Well seeing as I am falling asleep as I type I need to be off to bed. I love you all!!
There is so much that we all should be thankful and grateful for and I really am thankful for the small and simple things that I have been given such as sight (be it not 20/20), smell to smell the great things that surround me, my hearing that I might hear the music that is all around me at every corner, my sense of touch as I am able to feel all that I come in contact with. I don't know how I would handle not having these blessings as part of my life. I am sure that the reason that I am able to use all of my senses is because Heavenly Father knew that I needed to have them all that I might open my spirit to Him through these blessings! I am sure grateful that he knows me so very well, so perfectly! I can't wait to see Him again and give him a hug and tell him that I love him. This is one of the great motivating forces in me making all the changes that I am making. I don't want to be left behind left wondering what happened to the time that I was going to use to make these changes.
I am far from perfect and indeed have made many mistakes that have caused much harm to those that are around me and to their family and friends. I am greatly saddened by these mistakes, but although I might not be able to fix the damage that I have done I have learned and hope that I can apply that learning to future situations, so as to not have these issues all of the time. The more I look at the things that I need to fix the more I realize that I need not be so prideful and afraid to ask for help. I am not sure how long I will take to get to a point to always ask when I am prompted! Learning these skills is what will bring me more happiness that that which I have now!
Well seeing as I am falling asleep as I type I need to be off to bed. I love you all!!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter!!
Today was one of the greatest days that I have ever experienced. I am sure now that I am where I am supposed to be and that I am finally getting on the path that I need to be on that I might be happy. I am so grateful that the Lord gave me the thought to move to a new apartment and get a new lease on life, so to speak. I can't believe that I am really as happy as I am there is no doubt that the Lord is blessing me and helping me to get through so much and share it with complete strangers and feel the Spirit so strongly. I love that I can talk the gospel with anyone anywhere and they will be able to for the most part talk it back with me. I have no doubt that I am loved and that I am not alone! I have never really felt this free from my pains and afflictions and although I still have a lot to get through I know that I am only going to be given what I can handle so that I am able to really heal from all the pain of my past.
As it is Easter Sunday I must share that I had a prompting that I needed to text some people that have impacted my life so very much that I really can't ever repay them for all that they have done! So that is what I did and I can't believe that I didn't think to do that more quickly as I am sure that they thought as I often have that they are forgotten and that life is too busy for me to take time to communicate my love and appreciation for them. I don't want to ever let that happen again, as I know that even if they don't respond back or talk to me anymore than they normally do, I am still loved and I know that the Savior will fill the place that I feel is void without them in it. I really am much more than I let on to be when it comes to a romantic and a sentimental sap, but I think that the Lord is trying to show me that as I am what he desires me to be then I don't have to worry about being hurt or ignored as he is always there for me. The more that I lean on him the more I see the world in such a way as to have great hope in the potential for greatness that lies here upon its face. If we all give ourselves to the Lord then he will be able to shape and mold us into the powerful amazing people that we run from as we are afraid of the responsibility that having power holds, but we already have it so there really isn't a reason to hold back, because we are already held accountable for that which we have!
Well this one is short and sweet, but I really need to catch some z's so that I might function for my classes tomorrow! Love you All!
As it is Easter Sunday I must share that I had a prompting that I needed to text some people that have impacted my life so very much that I really can't ever repay them for all that they have done! So that is what I did and I can't believe that I didn't think to do that more quickly as I am sure that they thought as I often have that they are forgotten and that life is too busy for me to take time to communicate my love and appreciation for them. I don't want to ever let that happen again, as I know that even if they don't respond back or talk to me anymore than they normally do, I am still loved and I know that the Savior will fill the place that I feel is void without them in it. I really am much more than I let on to be when it comes to a romantic and a sentimental sap, but I think that the Lord is trying to show me that as I am what he desires me to be then I don't have to worry about being hurt or ignored as he is always there for me. The more that I lean on him the more I see the world in such a way as to have great hope in the potential for greatness that lies here upon its face. If we all give ourselves to the Lord then he will be able to shape and mold us into the powerful amazing people that we run from as we are afraid of the responsibility that having power holds, but we already have it so there really isn't a reason to hold back, because we are already held accountable for that which we have!
Well this one is short and sweet, but I really need to catch some z's so that I might function for my classes tomorrow! Love you All!
Lessons from Children!
Today was great!! Not because I got to do all that I intended to do, but because I was taught why it is that we must be as innocent and trusting as a child is. I was blessed to watch an amazing two year old and witness unconditional love as she wrapped her tiny arms around me in the library. I did nothing to elicit this reaction, but knew that she did it simply because she loved me and wanted to show that love through a hug! Such tender moments remind me that Heavenly Father does know each of us and loves us enough to send His Son to save us! I am so grateful that the day before Easter I was able to be reminded of that great and amazing sacrifice that was made and overcome this very day! I am so amazed at the tender mercies and kindness that have been shown me that I am humbled to think that I am here this day to feel this power!
There is no greater knowledge to have then that of the Resurrection of the Savior so that we might live! With the knowledge we find hope in this life and the fact that we are loved by our Father who is in Heaven! As I reflect on this greatest of all sacrifices of all I am called to remembrance of the greatness of the man that gave his life that I might live and have the opportunity to be forgiven of my sins, mistakes, and overcome my trials, tribulations, and sufferings (self inflicted as well as those that are inflicted by others) and so that I don't have to think that I am alone in my pains and afflictions. This was lost by me for a while, but I have been reawakened to this knowledge and love and am starting to heal from all that pain that I have carried within myself for much too long and have thought that there is no way for me to be whole! This reawakening comes so perfectly that I can only grow stronger in my testimony of being a beloved daughter of God and that there is a means whereby my burdens can be made light as I turn my heart to the Savior and allow him to take this pain and all that is associated with it and make it so that I am stronger and so that I am able to reach out and help those around me to know of this love and give them the assurance that they are not alone with the struggles that they are facing. What better message to share with others?
I love all of my family members (even the ones that don't approve of the religion that I am trying to live), I love all of my friends who give me strength and courage to continue on the path that I am on ( they have no idea how much they have saved me from the darkness that was seeping into my soul even when the Spirit was present, you will always be welcome and accepted into where ever I live and will be given love and respect, even if you don't agree with all that I am doing. There is no way that I would still be "alive" today without all of you!! Just remember that when you feel as though you have never done anything for anybody that is spectacular, because you have!!) I love the Savior and my Heavenly Father! I am trying to build my faith to be so strong that truly nothing can cause me to waver and so that I never have a desire to do anything that is evil. I am so grateful for the scriptures and the answers that they provide, for without those answers I would not be who I am today. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is God's church in its fullness restored once again on the earth. I know that prayer is how we receive the peace that we seek. I know that charity is the pure love of Christ and that the more I become full of this charity I truly become as he is and that is who I want to be like. I know that there is a life after this one and that it is far beyond anything that we can imagine as we will be happy with whatever lot we have chosen! I leave this with you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
There is no greater knowledge to have then that of the Resurrection of the Savior so that we might live! With the knowledge we find hope in this life and the fact that we are loved by our Father who is in Heaven! As I reflect on this greatest of all sacrifices of all I am called to remembrance of the greatness of the man that gave his life that I might live and have the opportunity to be forgiven of my sins, mistakes, and overcome my trials, tribulations, and sufferings (self inflicted as well as those that are inflicted by others) and so that I don't have to think that I am alone in my pains and afflictions. This was lost by me for a while, but I have been reawakened to this knowledge and love and am starting to heal from all that pain that I have carried within myself for much too long and have thought that there is no way for me to be whole! This reawakening comes so perfectly that I can only grow stronger in my testimony of being a beloved daughter of God and that there is a means whereby my burdens can be made light as I turn my heart to the Savior and allow him to take this pain and all that is associated with it and make it so that I am stronger and so that I am able to reach out and help those around me to know of this love and give them the assurance that they are not alone with the struggles that they are facing. What better message to share with others?
I love all of my family members (even the ones that don't approve of the religion that I am trying to live), I love all of my friends who give me strength and courage to continue on the path that I am on ( they have no idea how much they have saved me from the darkness that was seeping into my soul even when the Spirit was present, you will always be welcome and accepted into where ever I live and will be given love and respect, even if you don't agree with all that I am doing. There is no way that I would still be "alive" today without all of you!! Just remember that when you feel as though you have never done anything for anybody that is spectacular, because you have!!) I love the Savior and my Heavenly Father! I am trying to build my faith to be so strong that truly nothing can cause me to waver and so that I never have a desire to do anything that is evil. I am so grateful for the scriptures and the answers that they provide, for without those answers I would not be who I am today. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is God's church in its fullness restored once again on the earth. I know that prayer is how we receive the peace that we seek. I know that charity is the pure love of Christ and that the more I become full of this charity I truly become as he is and that is who I want to be like. I know that there is a life after this one and that it is far beyond anything that we can imagine as we will be happy with whatever lot we have chosen! I leave this with you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Hmmmm.
So, today not as productive as I was hoping, but I did go get some groceries and am baby sitting a 2 year old tomorrow, so life is good!! I am trying to motivate myself to job hunt, but I am so not into that right now that it is hard. I know that I need one and I want one, I just hate the hunting part when there seems to be no jobs. I am sure that I will find something even if it is only temporary or part time. I need to make a plan and then a goal so that I am able to feel as though I accomplished something and so that I can see what I have done and where I have gone. There is much that I need to do and I hope that I can get some homework done that I need to for monday!! I knew that I would do this to myself. I can't seem to work unless I am under pressure! Not sure what that is all about.
On to brighter things!! I am way excited for my Doctrine and Covenants class ( this is a book of revelations that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes to be scripture revealed to us today), I can just feel that I am going to learn a lot and that I might be able to share things that will help others to learn too. I love teaching the gospel and hope that I might be able to stay on my calling as a Sunday School teacher, but I am not sure and only time will tell. I am teaching this Sunday and can't wait the New Testament is chalk full of amazing information and insights into the life of the Savior! I can't wait ti see how the lesson goes as it is easter sunday and all!
I am learning and growing each day and although some days are more rough than others. I need to go to bed I am falling asleep just typing this. Good night world!! Until we meet again tomorrow night!
On to brighter things!! I am way excited for my Doctrine and Covenants class ( this is a book of revelations that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believes to be scripture revealed to us today), I can just feel that I am going to learn a lot and that I might be able to share things that will help others to learn too. I love teaching the gospel and hope that I might be able to stay on my calling as a Sunday School teacher, but I am not sure and only time will tell. I am teaching this Sunday and can't wait the New Testament is chalk full of amazing information and insights into the life of the Savior! I can't wait ti see how the lesson goes as it is easter sunday and all!
I am learning and growing each day and although some days are more rough than others. I need to go to bed I am falling asleep just typing this. Good night world!! Until we meet again tomorrow night!
A day of slight regression!
Today I was rather pessimistic and negative in the afternoon. This was brought on by the feeling that I am never going to find a job, because the "not hiring" signs are already being put up here in Rexburg, and the job crunch begins. I am still hoping that I can find something, but if I don't then I will use the time to make sure that I do well in all of my classes and also use the time to truly reflect and make the things in my life that are not right right. I really do need a job, but I will allow the Lord to lead me where I need to go.
I feel blessed that I got to chat with a dear friend and a cousin and also got to help a friend who is having a rough go of things right now. I feel like the Lord is using me and I feel grateful as I have not felt this way in a very long time. I can't believe that I was so long with out this feeling, I never wand to forget what this feels like! I am feeling more loving and compassionate towards those around me, and have come to realize that I might be a more touchy person than I thought I was before. Thanks Mia you opened my eyes to that need for human contact and now I have no one here to help me with a hug!! I will survive and I am sure that I can manage to get a hug from someone!! I am really blessed and I didn't realize how much until I took time to look back and see that the Lord has always been here for me and placed people in my life that help me grow and also show me his love.
The more I look back on this past year the more I realize that I really had fallen from the great place that I was in before. I am grateful for friends that know what it is I need to hear and aren't afraid to tell me that I need to make some changes. Even if they don't say it using those words! There are so many things that I can now see that I am getting back to where I was when I first joined the Church and I am excited to be excited and invigorated about the only thing that I have truly fully and completely loved and that is the gospel!! The more I see the Lord's hand in my life and the lives of those around me the more I realize that he really does know each of us individually and that he loves us so much that he sends certain people into our lives that impact them in a way as to show us that he is there, we but only need to let him in. Thank You all of my wonderful and beautiful friends for showing me that I needed to change and loving me enough to say something so that I might make these changes!!
I feel blessed that I got to chat with a dear friend and a cousin and also got to help a friend who is having a rough go of things right now. I feel like the Lord is using me and I feel grateful as I have not felt this way in a very long time. I can't believe that I was so long with out this feeling, I never wand to forget what this feels like! I am feeling more loving and compassionate towards those around me, and have come to realize that I might be a more touchy person than I thought I was before. Thanks Mia you opened my eyes to that need for human contact and now I have no one here to help me with a hug!! I will survive and I am sure that I can manage to get a hug from someone!! I am really blessed and I didn't realize how much until I took time to look back and see that the Lord has always been here for me and placed people in my life that help me grow and also show me his love.
The more I look back on this past year the more I realize that I really had fallen from the great place that I was in before. I am grateful for friends that know what it is I need to hear and aren't afraid to tell me that I need to make some changes. Even if they don't say it using those words! There are so many things that I can now see that I am getting back to where I was when I first joined the Church and I am excited to be excited and invigorated about the only thing that I have truly fully and completely loved and that is the gospel!! The more I see the Lord's hand in my life and the lives of those around me the more I realize that he really does know each of us individually and that he loves us so much that he sends certain people into our lives that impact them in a way as to show us that he is there, we but only need to let him in. Thank You all of my wonderful and beautiful friends for showing me that I needed to change and loving me enough to say something so that I might make these changes!!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Life is GOOD!!
So, today has been wonderful. I learned that I was being scammed by the person that I thought was giving me a job, so now I am back to square one with that, but that is fine things will work out. I now know what to look for when it comes to job scams and this is a good thing. I am also resigned to job hunting in the old fashioned way, meaning me and the pavement are going to be the best of friends and I am going to have to spice up my resumé and print it out so that I can distribute. I am also thinking that now is a good time to work on printing nicely so that they can read what I write. I was just reminded how bad I write I laughed knowing that it is really bad. Like at times doctors scratch bad. Too bad I wasn't going into medicine they wouldn't have to teach me to write horribly:) Life is good!! And I feel blessed that me and my roommate did not get caught in the middle of something that we are not equipped to handle. Life is GOOD!!
I have come to realize that the Lord only gives me very small chunks of my pain to handle and although it is deep and really really painful to go through, He helps me through others and through the Spirit. I think that he gives me a few weeks in between each painful experience, so that I can heal and begin to shed the burden that I have been carrying with me for far to long at much too high a cost. I am excited to see what it feels like to have this burden lifted from me and to be free from all that is holding me back. Maybe once this healing/cleansing is over I won't be so afraid to show the real me, the one that only my friends get to see, if I let them! There is much that I still have to do, but the Lord has seen fit to put me in the presence of amazing people that will lift me when I falter and lend me a shoulder when the tears flow. This is how I know that He loves me and that He won't let me suffer alone!! This is my great comfort and my great joy.
I know that Heavenly Father lives and I know that he loves me. I had forgotten that for awhile and now that I have been reminded I am excited to see how I can show his love to others! The deeper my testimony grows the more I am able to share the gospel and really start to take it and write on my heart. The more that I write it on my heart the more miracles I see, and the more miracles I see that more I see that the hand of the Lord is in all that we do and everywhere! This is the great message if the restored gospel; he is here and he does listen and he wants all of his children to return to him. What greater message can there be than this. His gospel is on the earth once more in its fulness and that he has called once again a prophet to lead his people!! This is true and I know it because the Spirit has borne witness in my heart that it is. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
I have come to realize that the Lord only gives me very small chunks of my pain to handle and although it is deep and really really painful to go through, He helps me through others and through the Spirit. I think that he gives me a few weeks in between each painful experience, so that I can heal and begin to shed the burden that I have been carrying with me for far to long at much too high a cost. I am excited to see what it feels like to have this burden lifted from me and to be free from all that is holding me back. Maybe once this healing/cleansing is over I won't be so afraid to show the real me, the one that only my friends get to see, if I let them! There is much that I still have to do, but the Lord has seen fit to put me in the presence of amazing people that will lift me when I falter and lend me a shoulder when the tears flow. This is how I know that He loves me and that He won't let me suffer alone!! This is my great comfort and my great joy.
I know that Heavenly Father lives and I know that he loves me. I had forgotten that for awhile and now that I have been reminded I am excited to see how I can show his love to others! The deeper my testimony grows the more I am able to share the gospel and really start to take it and write on my heart. The more that I write it on my heart the more miracles I see, and the more miracles I see that more I see that the hand of the Lord is in all that we do and everywhere! This is the great message if the restored gospel; he is here and he does listen and he wants all of his children to return to him. What greater message can there be than this. His gospel is on the earth once more in its fulness and that he has called once again a prophet to lead his people!! This is true and I know it because the Spirit has borne witness in my heart that it is. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Bounteous Blessings!!
Today has been great. I got all of my homework done and started working ahead!! I GOT A JOB!! Sometimes craigslist really does pay off! I am hoping that this job really does work out and that I can make all that I need to happen. It will work great as it is part time and pays great!! I am hoping that I can get things in order and that the woman that I am going to care for will get along with me. The Lord is merciful and has shown me yet again that he really does love me!! I am thinking that this semester might go a lot better than I planned and that I am going to grow even more than I thought. I can't wait to see what that growth is.
The Lord is showing me that as I follow where he leads I will be blessed and thus a happier and more able person. I am sure that I will have my trials in the next little while, but he will remind me through those around me that he is aware and that he will care for me and those that I love. My roommates are great and I can feel that they will help me to stay on this path that I am on. I am just so grateful that the Lord keeps putting amazing people in my life so that I can feel of his love and see that greatness that his children possess as they turn to him and seek after his guidance! They will be the answer to my prayers and the scriptures will reaffirm that I am heard and point me in the direction that I need to go!
If we are mindful of God's children and of what it is that he desires for us to do then He shows us that he is there and has been all along!! I love getting insights like this, it helps me to remember that we are not alone even when we might feel isolated! Life is Great and I can't wait for tomorrow to see what is going to happen!!
My next prayer is that the lady I am going to work for speaks english that I can understand as it is not her first language. This could get interesting!
The Lord is showing me that as I follow where he leads I will be blessed and thus a happier and more able person. I am sure that I will have my trials in the next little while, but he will remind me through those around me that he is aware and that he will care for me and those that I love. My roommates are great and I can feel that they will help me to stay on this path that I am on. I am just so grateful that the Lord keeps putting amazing people in my life so that I can feel of his love and see that greatness that his children possess as they turn to him and seek after his guidance! They will be the answer to my prayers and the scriptures will reaffirm that I am heard and point me in the direction that I need to go!
If we are mindful of God's children and of what it is that he desires for us to do then He shows us that he is there and has been all along!! I love getting insights like this, it helps me to remember that we are not alone even when we might feel isolated! Life is Great and I can't wait for tomorrow to see what is going to happen!!
My next prayer is that the lady I am going to work for speaks english that I can understand as it is not her first language. This could get interesting!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Somewhat productive, but not really!!
Toady being the last day of my break from school and no surprises here I don't want it to be and thanks to lack of motivation I am still without a job! I need to rectify this situation ASAP!! I am hoping that I will be able to put in some applications tomorrow seeing as I don't have much in the way of classes with only one. I need to fill in my time and be productive. I am sure that I am going to be like what the when I really start to get into the semester. I am going to have to work hard that is for sure!
On to brighter things!! I was able to talk to a friend that I thought was not pleased with me and find out that all is well!! That was a great relief as we have been through a lot in the past 8 or so weeks with a car accident and everything else in that time that we really became friends in. It is strange how sometimes you just click with people and you feel as though you have known them for a life time or more! That is how this friendship is and it is interesting and fun and nerve racking all at the same time!! It is definitely an eye opener to how truly eternal this life is. It is a reminder that we really did exist before we came to this world to be tried and tested and make it back! This gives me hope!!
I have come to really believe and know that God hears and answers are prayers and this testimony has only grown stronger this week as things have begun to fall into place! I was blessed to reconnect with a dear sister from my mission that I haven't seen or really heard from since I was in her area at the very beginning of my mission and now she is living out here and we are going to meet up tomorrow and have lunch and attend devotional together. I am way stoked and can't wait to see what happens.There are so many little miracles such as this have been happening daily and I love it! It allows me to know that my prayers are heard answered and that I am loved, and that is the most important of all!! I was in need of knowing this and with the last two days I am very sure of this and that makes me excited!
We shall see what this week brings and then see how much more I grow and what else I learn. My main goal is to stay positive and not fall back into where I was last week!!
On to brighter things!! I was able to talk to a friend that I thought was not pleased with me and find out that all is well!! That was a great relief as we have been through a lot in the past 8 or so weeks with a car accident and everything else in that time that we really became friends in. It is strange how sometimes you just click with people and you feel as though you have known them for a life time or more! That is how this friendship is and it is interesting and fun and nerve racking all at the same time!! It is definitely an eye opener to how truly eternal this life is. It is a reminder that we really did exist before we came to this world to be tried and tested and make it back! This gives me hope!!
I have come to really believe and know that God hears and answers are prayers and this testimony has only grown stronger this week as things have begun to fall into place! I was blessed to reconnect with a dear sister from my mission that I haven't seen or really heard from since I was in her area at the very beginning of my mission and now she is living out here and we are going to meet up tomorrow and have lunch and attend devotional together. I am way stoked and can't wait to see what happens.There are so many little miracles such as this have been happening daily and I love it! It allows me to know that my prayers are heard answered and that I am loved, and that is the most important of all!! I was in need of knowing this and with the last two days I am very sure of this and that makes me excited!
We shall see what this week brings and then see how much more I grow and what else I learn. My main goal is to stay positive and not fall back into where I was last week!!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Questions, Questions, Questions!
Today I have been pondering and reflecting on my life as I know it right now and at all the relationships/friendships that I have strained on account of my actions or lack there of. I have come to realize that I lack basic communication skills to fix things. I am not sure how to rectify this issue, but know that as I continue to plead with the Lord and seek answers he will let me in on the secret! I just hope that I am open for the changes that I am going to have to make in order to put my troubled heart at rest. It is my hope that I haven't damaged some of these relationships beyond repair of some level. I am ready to face those demons and see how I can learn from my mistakes. I have much to learn and only hope that my friends can be patient with me and not leave me in the wind during this trial and error process. I am sure that I am going to annoy more than a few and I am sorry about that!! Just know you can tell me that I am annoying you and I will try a different method of fixing things. I am sure that I am going to annoy myself and get frustrated and I ask for understanding as I am undergoing some very drastic changes
I seem to have other things troubling me and I am not sure what they are and can't seem to find peace. I felt peace earlier today and know that it can be attained, but right now I am not sure where it went and how to get it back. I am hoping that as I pray more and turn to the Lord he will give me the peace that I seek and that that peace will last longer and longer. I am sure that this is going to lead me to something that will stretch and in many ways make me a better person. I am hoping that I can make it through this stretch and see that it was just a means for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to make me lean on them more and not so much on myself. The balancing game of life is not something that I am good at and I hope that I can learn and gain the means whereby I am able to have the needed strength that that balance gives. We shall see all things happen in time. And I am sure that I will learn how to communicate better as I make mistakes and adjustments so that I can help others as well as myself.
This next week is going to be interesting as I am embarking on another semester and need to have the miracle of a job come my way. I am sure that there will me more posts to follow on that and on the semester at hand. I am sure thinking that even though I am only going half time I am going to be mighty busy and not be able to work on my social life as much as I wanted to, but that is okay maybe it is not time to work on that and really be overwhelmed with life more than I am already. I have faith that I am going to get through this and be the type of person and friend that I have always wanted to become and have run away from as she scares me!! More tomorrow! May the Lord Bless you and keep you.
I seem to have other things troubling me and I am not sure what they are and can't seem to find peace. I felt peace earlier today and know that it can be attained, but right now I am not sure where it went and how to get it back. I am hoping that as I pray more and turn to the Lord he will give me the peace that I seek and that that peace will last longer and longer. I am sure that this is going to lead me to something that will stretch and in many ways make me a better person. I am hoping that I can make it through this stretch and see that it was just a means for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to make me lean on them more and not so much on myself. The balancing game of life is not something that I am good at and I hope that I can learn and gain the means whereby I am able to have the needed strength that that balance gives. We shall see all things happen in time. And I am sure that I will learn how to communicate better as I make mistakes and adjustments so that I can help others as well as myself.
This next week is going to be interesting as I am embarking on another semester and need to have the miracle of a job come my way. I am sure that there will me more posts to follow on that and on the semester at hand. I am sure thinking that even though I am only going half time I am going to be mighty busy and not be able to work on my social life as much as I wanted to, but that is okay maybe it is not time to work on that and really be overwhelmed with life more than I am already. I have faith that I am going to get through this and be the type of person and friend that I have always wanted to become and have run away from as she scares me!! More tomorrow! May the Lord Bless you and keep you.
Sabbath and Blessings!!
Church was amazing today!! The Spirit was strong and he actually gave me words to speak in Sunday School which made my lesson go much better than I anticipated. I am so excited to see what the Lord has in store for me and this ward!! There are many good things that are going to happen I can feel it. I am once again alive with the fire of the gospel and can't wait to share my knowledge and love with those around me!!
I have much that I stand in need of improving and hope that I can stay on this path that I have put myself on, so that I can finally unlock the real me and share her with everyone. I know that this is going to be painful and that I am going to be stretched to the breaking point, but with the Lord I know that I can do all things. He will help me to get through the times when I feel as though I can't do anymore and can't give more of myself to him. The one thing that I have not ever done for more than maybe a few hours is truly turn my will over to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and now I think that I am finally in a place where I can and am willing to, so that I am able to see and become what they want and need me to become. I am ready to finally have peace and strength enough to go on and move past the past and the things that are holding me back.
The dark shadow that has been over my heart for the past 20+ years is finally starting to disappear and for once I feel as though fear is not ruling my every move. I am not saying that I am secure, because that is by far not the case I am still far from that, but I am making progress to be happy with what gifts I have been given and with what I have not been given to. I am finally going to practice what I preach! I can't wait to see how that will help me help others and help them to see that Heavenly Father loves them to. I can sense for the first time in a long time that I am really going to be used as a tool in the hand of the Lord and this time it is going to be for the means that I have always wanted to be used!
Here is something that I have to share!! My bother Mark is going to be baptized in a month... Please pray for him as I know that Satan is going to try to stop him again!! This is what makes my joy full. When people are willing to allow the Savior in and see that change in their lives that only the gospel can bring! There is no greater joy than to witness another of God's children make changes that bring them closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I can't wait to see how the gospel will change him and shape in to the kind of person that will do much good in this world. I guess the words of the Lord are fulfilled... He told me that my family would by helped to the path of the gospel and there be blessed. I am excited!!
I know that the Lord will answer our prayers and that we can all witness miracles as we turn to him and open our hearts to all the small miracles he performs for us each and every day!!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The First Step!!
So, this is a little more about me, so that those that don't know will have a better understanding and so that I can look and see the ups and downs highs and lows that occur when healing and cleansing and growing take place!
There is much to say, but I don't think that it all needs to be said as some of it might cause pain to others. I will say this as a survivor of rape and all other forms of abuse I have come to understand just what evil is and how Satan has come to hold power over me and those others in this world. He is a very powerful force to be reckoned with and will stop at nothing to destroy the children of God and the happiness and peace that they seek after. I am an example of how he has tried and at times succeeded at getting in and taking you to places that make you shutter and leave you feeling so worthless and completely in the dark that you would rather have everyone leave you alone and die a hermit with no one to love so that you don't bring them down with you! This is not right and I hope that I can stay away from that for the rest of my life and especially right now as I am on the path to a better life!!
So, let's be more positive!! I have found the means to end this battle with Satan and that is the Restored
Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am learning to put my full trust and faith in the Savior and my Heavenly
Father so that they can mold and refine me and take my pain away! I have forgotten this and now that
I have been reminded by friends and the Lord and am going to put in the work and make the progress
that I need to make to be the type of person that I want to be. There is hope in the gospel that you can
find no where else and I am excited to get excited about it again!!
This is a glimpse of me and I am hoping that I can show myself and others that the gospel can heal
and that I can overcome this world that we live in a raise above the pain that is here, so that I can lift
others!!
God Bless and god luck!!
The First!
I am starting this blog that I might share the trials and triumphs I go through for the rest of this year. I hope that this might help those that follow and also that it might serve as a means to help me see my progress towards becoming the woman that my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ desire and need me to become that I might help the Kingdom grow!
So, here we go!
This week has been one of awakening and a firm start on the path to healing from the rapes and abuses from my past that I have not taken the time to deal with. I know that the Lord put certain people in my life to help me open my eyes to what it is that I need to change that I might truly find the peace and joy that I seek to desperately after. I would like to thank Teela for the letter that opened my eyes to what I had become and Mia for giving me faith in human kind again. They have helped me to see that I need to stop living in the past and start living for today. I have a long and hard road ahead of me, but I know that I have people that love me and will be there me if it so happens that I begin to fall again!
I am excited to start and share this process with anyone that decides to follow me. I will try to remember to get on here and share insights from my scripture study and every day life that will help me to see that I am going to pull through this. With the Lord and my friends on my side I have no doubt that I will finally begin the healing that needs to take place to help those around me to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
I am learning a lot about myself and about what it is going to take to become what I need to become to fulfill the task that Heavenly Father has sent me here to do and it is a mission that needs to start now and not wait any longer! I will post more later! I am going to start at the beginning and then see where I have come and then where it is that I need to go and I hope that all of you that share in the journey with me, will be able to feel the love of the Savior and the peace that comes as one turns their life over to him and allows the atonement to change them!
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