More Lessons Learned!

  So, who knew that so many interesting people existed in the world?! I am on an online dating site, although that is not why I really use it and I started chatting with this young man and we skyped as it is a good way to communicate with a picture that is up to date and what not! And I feel so unclean now after talking to him that I don't know when I am going to be able to sleep! Things stated out normal and ended not so normal and I felt as though if he really had the chance he would take advantage of me in person and just don't get why I keep getting guys like this. I am going to be fine though and hope that I can attract a more normal guy that can help me become a better person and reach my full potential. Thing will work out!
  On an happier note, I am starting to really figure some pretty deep things out about myself that I think I can work on as I begin to open wounds and memories that I have blocked for so long. I think that my abuse is not the problem, although it did shape me and cause damage I really don't think that that is the source of my pain and am trying to piece together a childhood that I really don't remember so that I can get to the source of my pain and sorrow. I am not sure how long this will take, but I do know that as I get there it is going to help me build the relationship I want with my Heavenly Father as I will truly begin to trust him. I feel that as I gain this trust and really begin to open my heat to him I will be able to gain this love I lack for myself. I don't know when I lost this love of myself, but I did and I need it back, so that I can become all that I am to become. I give much love, but I know that I can give even more when I gain love of self and truly desire that I am able to do this!
  My mom is coming out to visit me and I am picking her up tomorrow. I am so very excited to see here after nearly 18 months of not seeing her and hope that I can help her to relax and recover some spiritual stamina that she might be able to keep the faith. Life really is a challenge and the more that I give into being negative and not doing all that I can to life those around me, the more I am unable to become as the Savior. I look forward to the great food and opportunities that await me as I spend time with my mother. There is going to be growth in this experience as there is in every experience that we are brought into.
  I want to thank all of my friends and family for helping me when I am down. I promise that one day and I hope that that day is soon I will be as if I were a new person no longer bogged down by the pain that is in my soul. When this day comes I hope that I can share with you the joy that will fill my heart and hopefully help me to be what you all see in me. I love you all and pray that you will be able to feel of the love of the Savior and know that He is listening and will answer all of your prayers when it is time for them to be answered!